Yes to the Grey
Author: Jenna Anderson | @mrsjenna_anderson
We drove across town to catch the tail end of the lightning show. The sky was illuminated in thunder claps as the rain fell heartily beneath the lights in the Costco parking lot where we sat. Signs of Trey’s interest in me had been adding up through the summer between conversations over brunch, floating the river and movie nights with friends. The butterflies and nervous curiosity had led me to this moment. This exciting, terrifying moment where vulnerability and tension loomed heavy between us. This, however, was not my moment of, “yes.” That invitation had come months before when our friendship was fresh and I sensed God was perhaps in the mix of it all.
Having not dated much through the years, when I started to pick up on the fact that Trey might be keen on me, I totally panicked. I wanted to know right away if this relationship was right or wrong. Were we ready to be more than friends? What exactly was the best for us? I was convinced that I needed to have my questions answered. I planned to chart a course with wisdom and grace and reasonable expectations. (Wowza, girl, relax.) Beyond my own longing for an early yea or nay, there were voices. Loving, caring people who wanted to swoop in and speak to this potential relationship before our feet had even a chance to hit the pavement. All in all, it was a bit of an internal whirlwind for me.
But above my own confusion, silly expectations, and the voices of critics and cheerleaders alike, I heard it. The still, small voice was whispering louder than the rest. God had been asking me to trust Him more. To lay aside my desperation to have it all figured out. To surrender my black and white thinking in exchange for a whole lot of grey. Jesus was asking me to say, “yes,” to the grey. The unknown. The unplanned. The uncharted path where possibility was actually quite thrilling.
Looking back now, that nervous, “yes,” I spoke to Trey in the Costco parking lot was so much more than saying, “yes,” to dating a handsome, kind fella. For me, it was the start of a life of bravely diving into the grey. With a soft heart I had to learn to embrace vulnerability, trusting God to lead and cover me. My unanswered questions were now held loosely in my hands as I chose instead to focus on the possibility, the adventure, the potential goodness that just might be waiting on the other side for me.
My grey led me to the fulfillment of long awaited dreams. God met me in that place and has unfolded such beautiful plans that I honestly never thought possible. Befriending the grey has brought freedom from the weight of having it all figured out. I’ve learned to laugh and dream. I walk in peace as I trust the one who had tenderly led me to the land of the grey. Even now as Trey and I look ahead at the dreams and visions in our hearts for our marriage and family, we find ourselves pretty ok with the grey zone.
Saying, “yes,” to the grey might look different for you. Maybe it’s the job you always wanted to apply for, a hidden dream that’s felt out of reach, or maybe it IS a handsome fella asking you to give him a shot. Whatever it is, throw aside your need to know every measured step and just say, “Yes!” Whisper it or shout it from the rooftops but say, “Yes,” to the grey. This year let your, “yes,” to a beautiful possibility be louder than your fear or failure. Silence your questions with faith and watch as God graciously guards and guides you. Say, “yes,” to the brilliant unknown that lurks wildly in the land of the grey. Turns out that embracing the grey in exchange for carefully calculated black and white living is a whole lot more fun and freeing then you’d imagine.