Courageous Confessions #1: For Those Who Hide Scars Under Sweaters
Dear Scarred and Misshapened,
When I went through puberty, my breasts didn’t form properly - leaving me severely deformed. My family was modest, and we never undressed in front of each other. From ages twelve to seventeen, I learned how to hide my dramatic asymmetry and mangled form under layers of clothing. I learned how to hide my shame under layers of fake smiles and laughs.
I would never be beautiful.
By the time I saw a doctor, he stared in shock as he has never seen a case quite so severe. All he could think to ask me was, “Do you date?” And those three little words sent me into a tailspin of what I already feared the most; that I was never going to be loved in a romantic way. I would never experience intimacy - because WHO on earth would sign up for this mess? He confirmed my greatest fear of rejection. I left that doctor’s office thinking of how I might end my life.
Thankfully, I saw another doctor. She showed my mother polaroids she had taken of my condition. My mother gasped and wept with me. I was no longer alone in my secret shame. I was set free in that moment.
I underwent the same reconstructive surgeries that many breast cancer patients go through when they’re in remission. All of this was in motion when I met the love of my life. I was brutally honest about my condition. I gave him an out. He stayed.
A man married me, knowing I was deformed and not knowing if I’d ever look normal. He loved ME. He believed God had called us together - and I believed that too. We still do.
Maybe your story is like mine, maybe it’s different. Maybe you’re reading this thinking I am crazy because, well, it’s just boobs, right? No - it’s not. It shaped a lot of who I am. God took something embarrassing and turned it into a creative way to show me love.
I want you to know your scars, seen and unseen, don’t have to define you.
EDITOR’S NOTE: Thank you to our amazing contributors and guest writers for being brave with your voice and powerful in your vulnerability. I am posting the Confessions series with nearly no editing in order to allow the raw story to come through. Thank you, dear readers, for leaning into the stories and sharing your own struggles if you like. This space is safe. Our hearts can hold the weight of another’s pain without judgement or too-easy answers. In fact, I think that might be when we’re at our very best. I love you. Bo